OVERWEIGHT HUMANS AND OTHER ANIMALS PROVEN RESPONSIBLE FOR GLOBAL WARMING!

A study of the contribution to global warning by overweight humans and other overweight animals has confirmed that chubby people and their chubby pets are the main contributing factor to global warming. The basic logic is there, and has now been proven. Overweight people eat more food and burn more calories, causing them to give off more body heat, warming the environment around them and the rest of the world. This study, conducted by an independent, unregulated non-profit agency known as SKINNY (Society of Kooks Investigating Nudity and its Negative Effects on Yawning), are the authors of this profoundly important study. The case made by SKINNY is that, not only do chubby people contribute to global warming, but they do it in more ways than ever expected.

Chubby people, the study has proved, not only generate and contribute more heat to the environment from giving off  excessive body heat, but also their excessive weight causes the earth to spin slower, exposing the earth’s surface to more solar radiation during any 24 hour period. But in addition, the excessive weight of all of these chubby people on earth has reduced the speed of the earth’s rotation around the sun, increasing the length of the solar year. This slowing down of the earth’s speed around the sun is causing the earth to move closer to the sun, again increasing global warming.

Once the study was released, the United Nations adopted it verbatim as evidence necessary for an emergency investigation and used it as a reason to convene the U.N. Security Council. The U.N. Security Council has now determined that the problem has been created by pork. Pork fat and pork bellies have long been known to contribute extensively to the financial problems of the U.S. economy. Bringing home the bacon, apparently, is a bigger contributor to the problem than anyone ever imagined.

When asked about this, Bill Clinton stated that there was no shred of evidence and it was not his fault, claiming that he is not too chubby—but—when asked about Hillary, he denied knowing if she was overweight or not, claiming he hasn’t seen her naked since the Monica Lewinsky scandal. He also stated that he has not asked her because he does not have her email address.

This whole controversy was refuted by the organization known as CABLE (Chubbies Are the Best Lovers Ever), a group of chubby people who claim they have proof that SKINNY skewed their facts to favor skinny people. CABLE also claims to have evidence that thin people exercise excessively and therefore burn more calories than their fellow chubby citizens, contributing more heat to global warming than sedentary chubby fellows.